I can’t get no sleep..

I love sleeping. Fucking LOVE it. When my kids go to their dad’s house for the weekend my first thought is that I can just sleep the entire time If i want too. Also, when I’m sad or lonely or upset or anxious, my go to thing is to just go to sleep. So it’s fair to say I’m a fan of sleeping.

Which makes the bouts of awful insomnia I have all the more frustratingly annoying and stressful. I’m currently writing this a 5am after being awake since 5am yesterday. I’m tired. My eyes are burning, my arms and legs feel like they belong to someone else and yet my brain is running at 5 million miles an hour and just will not shut the fuck up and let me sleep.

I don’t know why I get this, even as a child I remember lying in my room watching the sun come up and feeling like I was the only person awake in the entire world, so it’s just always been a part of my life. Insomnia does weird shit to your brain, it makes you unable to stick coherent sentences together, it messes with your body clock so you dont know what time of day it is. You know when you watch TV shows and they have a scene where a character is in some kind of shock and everything around them is going on in slow motion and far away? That’s how insomnia makes me feel. Totally disconnected from the world around me. It also makes me even fucking scattier than normal. I lose EVERYTHING. I put shit down and it disappears for the rest of time. It’s annoying and sometimes embarrassing when I clearly do not have my shit together like booking a holiday the same week The Boy has his last school residential trip.  But I don’t know what I can do about it. I’ve tried all the methods people have recommended and short of smacking myself in the head with a brick, nothing works.

 

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See? Tyler Durden was an insomniac and look how that shit turned out….

So I’ve decided that instead of letting it bug me, I’m going to find the positives in Insomnia…..

  1. I have LOADS of time. Those 8-10 hours a night you are asleep, I am doing stuff. I’m doing any paperwork that needs doing, I’m making plans, I write essays and read for uni I buy useless tat off amazon and binge watch Vikings. I get. shit. done.
  2. I watch my children sleep. That sounds less creepy in my head, but I do love to watch them relaxed and happy and quiet. I love my kids the most when they are sleeping.
  3. I can chat to fellow insomniacs, so if there are any of you out there that want to talk Game of Thrones or books or the meaning of life or how bread doesn’t go mouldy anymore, let me know. I’m always up for a discussion.
  4. I get to watch the sun come up. Its a beautiful thing. Sometimes I drive to the coast and just sit and watch and think how lucky I am to be able to watch the sun rise, not everyone has that privilege, right?

So, that’s my list so far….feel free to let me know any others and If anyone has a cure for the dreaded sleeplessness please let me know that too. In small simple words. and pictures. cos my brains dying slowly. thanks!

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