Raising Satan

Seems only fair that after my last post about the Boychild, that I talk a little about my girls…today is Satan’s turn.

I call her that semi-jokingly, but she comes by the nick-name honestly. I genuinely believe she was born stubborn, willful and determined to do things her own way. As a newborn she refused to sleep. And I know we all say that, but until she was 4 months old her dad and I slept in shifts because she was ALWAYS. FUCKING. AWAKE. She had reflux and hip problems, so we put it down to that, but even when those were medicated/resolved, she still refused to sleep anywhere except strapped to my chest. She was our third child and her big sister wasn’t a great sleeper, but we were at a loss with what the hell to do with her. I had a beautiful lie-flat pram that I’d always wanted, and pretty crib in my bedroom….and neither were any bloody use because this child was possessed.

She  also just did things in a way that i swear was just designed to be difficult. like, she learned to sit herself up from lying down….except she couldn’t sit up. so she’d push herself to a sitting position and then promptly fall over. A hundred times a day. She learned to eat….but would refuse to actually hold the food. so she would just bury her face in the food and eat like a dog. or expect me to sit there holding her frigging carrot stick whilst she chewed on it. She learned to control her bladder….to a scary degree. She once held it for a staggering 16 hours. And then once she did deign to use a toilet, it HAD to be the toilet of her choice.

She got older, started school. She’d been to nursery where the staff just went by their first names, so she didn’t see why teachers had a title. So she would just yell ‘Jones!’ when she wanted attention. Tiny 3 year old dictator. and she was tiny, she was one of the very youngest being an august birthday and was small for her age anyway, she went to school wearing age 12-18 month clothes, but what she lacked in size, she always more than made up for in confidence. Her favourite discussion was always what she would do ‘when she ruled the world’. No if, WHEN. There has never been any doubt in her mind that she was born to be in charge of everyone. and everything.

And I love that about her, I love that she’s not a sheep, that she is not afraid to say whats on her mind, or go do her own thing if she doesn’t want to play the games the cool kids are playing. There’s that meme that flies about social media that says something about how the strong-willed girls of today are the leader of tomorrow and thats true and fantastic. But that doesn’t make today any less stressful when you have a child who just will not if she doesn’t want too. The MOTHERS of the strong-willed girls of today are fucking tired and wished said girls would, just occasionally, just do something because they were sodding well told to do it.

‘Why do I need to put my shoes on?’

‘Why do I need a bath?’

‘Why can’t I go and do what my sister who is 4 years older does?’

It gets draining, and when I need to be somewhere 20 minutes ago, I really don’t have the inclination to explain why a brand new white dress is not appropriate for a day on a farm.

So, thats what life is like with Satan. Its a bloody good job she’s cute and funny…..



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