Why the hell am i doing this?

This week so far I have spoken to a representative from the council about the slates on my roof, taken apart and re-put together my car door because my window stopped working on the motorway in the rain, talked The Diva down from a massive strop about life, friendships and school, tried to instil something resembling a fuck to give about his SATS in The Boy, answered Satan’s many and varied questions about nothing at all and somehow in between all that managed to revise for, and sit, two of my end of year uni exams.

I’m fucking exhausted. Deep down in my bones weary with a brain that resembles ice in july.

The constant juggling act of  trying to ‘adult’ whilst also trying to ‘student’ is my reality and will be for the next 3 years at a minimum, and I wont lie, it worries me. Any mother will tell you that the toddler years are physically hard work and have their own challanges, but the mental stress of managing the lives of older children is enough to drive anyone to drink at the best of times, but how the hell I’m going to manage my own work load and help my children with their ever increasing amounts of homework is anyones guess at this point. When i sit my finals in 2019, my eldest will be in year 10 and sitting her first round of GCSEs in all probabilty. Add in the fact my son has severe literacy issues and requires a fuck ton of support with schooling and it’s going to be a hard slog.

But……I love it. All the stress, and the worry, and the sleepless nights and early mornings are going to be worth it, because I’m doing this for a tangible, visible reason and that’s the 3 small heads that i see every morning. They might be my biggest stumbling block, but they are also my biggest motivation. Failure isn’t an option because I have mouths to feed and a point to prove to the people who think its beyond me. Stubborness has long been a character flaw of mine, but in this instance its a bonus and what will see me through to the end of this crazy, busy, but amazing journey I’m on.

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